Committee Formed to Study Why Previous Committees Did Nothing

🎤 Audio Overview

🎤 Song For This Story

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Act I – The Porch Where It Began Again

Boot Barnes sat on his porch like a man who had already heard the news twice and didn’t care for either version.

Daisy the hound lay stretched across the steps, one ear lifted in mild suspicion of the breeze.

“You hear?” Clovis Strickland said, climbing the steps with a stack of folders tucked under his arm like they might run off if not supervised. “They’re forming a committee.”

Boot didn’t look up. “They always are.”

“This one’s different.”

Boot let that sit for a moment.

“They say that every time,” he said finally.

Clovis set the folders down and began sorting them on the porch rail. Each one had a label, some typed, some handwritten, one clearly written on the back of a church bulletin.

“This here,” Clovis said, tapping the first folder, “is the Committee on Drainage Clarification, 1998 to 2001, though there ain’t a single clarified drain in the whole file.”

Boot squinted at it. “I remember that. Rain still falls, far as I can tell.”

“Mm-hmm,” Clovis said. “And this one—Beautification Task Force. Started with twelve members. Ended with fourteen subcommittees and no flowers.”

Daisy huffed.

Boot leaned forward. “What’s this new one called?”

Clovis straightened, proud as a man unveiling a monument.

“The Committee on Committee Outcomes.”

Boot blinked.

“That’s not a real thing.”

“It is now. Formally recognized last night at Town Hall.”

Boot scratched his chin. “What’s it supposed to do?”

Clovis smiled.

“Find out why all the other committees didn’t do anything.”

Boot stared at him.

“Couldn’t they just… do something instead?”

Clovis paused.

“That’s outside their scope.”

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Act II – Town Hall Defines the Problem

Town Hall smelled faintly of paper, ambition, and coffee that had been made with regret.

Mabel Dean Ashcroft stood at the front, holding a clipboard and a memory that could inventory a century.

“I will begin,” she said, not because anyone asked her to, but because she had already begun. “The Committee on Committee Outcomes must first identify all prior committees, their stated objectives, their timelines, their deliverables, and their… absences.”

Shelley Fawn Wexler raised a hand halfway, then committed fully.

“Should we define what constitutes ‘doing something’ before we analyze why nothing was done?”

Mabel nodded. “Excellent point.”

Pastor Arnold Peeler leaned forward, hands folded.

“Sometimes,” he said gently, “in waiting, we discover the Lord’s timing is different from ours.”

Trixie Jo Bartlett whispered to Tiffany Annette Roark, “Does the Lord handle drainage permits now?”

Tiffany shrugged. “Depends on zoning.”

Clovis stood up, already holding a sheet with columns.

“I’ve constructed a preliminary timeline of all committees dating back to 1972,” he said.

“Seventy-two?” said Mister Wade Langston from the back. “That was the year we studied whether to build a new bench.”

“And?” Boot asked.

Wade shrugged. “We kept the old one.”

Clovis tapped the page. “Each committee will be evaluated based on formation date, mission clarity, meeting frequency, and measurable outcomes.”

“And how do we measure outcomes?” asked Dr. Neil Cowgill.

Clovis paused.

“That,” he said slowly, “is what this committee must determine.”

Boot raised his hand.

“Couldn’t we just see if anything got fixed?”

The room went quiet.

Shelley wrote something down quickly.

“That’s… one possible framework,” she said carefully.

Mabel circled something on her clipboard.

“We’ll need a subcommittee to explore that.”

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Act III – The Diner Where Definitions Multiply

At the diner, everything was simpler except the conversations.

Maggie Sue Dillard poured coffee like she was distributing truth, steady and without apology.

“So what’s this one about?” she asked.

“Committees,” RT Mullins said. “About committees.”

“That’s like making a pie about pies,” Maggie Sue said.

Doug “Doughboy” Teeter leaned back. “I’d eat that.”

Santiago “Sonny” Morales shook his head. “No, you wouldn’t. You’d study it first.”

Lurleen Davenport stirred her tea with a deliberate slowness.

“They’ll spend three meetings deciding what counts as a meeting,” she said.

Evelyn Grace Tipton nodded. “And another three on how to document it.”

Coach Freddie Stubblefield slapped the table lightly.

“In football, we call that a delay of game.”

“Do they get penalized?” asked Chester Ray Blevins.

“No,” Coach said. “They form a committee.”

Boot walked in, sat down, and didn’t order.

“They’re defining ‘action,’” he said.

The table fell silent.

“Lord help us,” Maggie Sue said.

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Act IV – The Church Where Patience Is Elevated

At the church, Sister Lila Mae “Hallelujah” Pruitt stood near the pulpit, fanning herself with purpose.

Pastor Peeler addressed a smaller group now, the committee reconvened under softer lighting and stronger opinions.

“We must be careful not to rush,” he said. “Understanding takes time.”

Boot raised his hand again, slower this time.

“How much time?”

Pastor Peeler smiled. “As long as it takes.”

“That’s what the drainage folks said,” Boot muttered.

Mabel stood.

“I have completed a preliminary list of all known committees,” she announced. “It spans forty-three pages.”

Clovis beamed.

Shelley adjusted her glasses. “We should categorize them by intent.”

“Intent?” said Brett Crenshaw.

“Yes,” Shelley said. “What they meant to do.”

Alyssa Crenshaw leaned forward. “What about what they actually did?”

Shelley paused.

“That’s… a secondary metric.”

Boot looked at Daisy, who had wandered in and lay near the aisle.

“She’s got more done this week than half these committees,” he said.

Daisy wagged once, modestly.

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Act V – The Sheriff’s Office Secures the Records

Sheriff Peeler stood over a stack of boxes labeled “Minutes.”

Officer Kenny Joe Teeter peeked inside one.

“These are from 1984,” he said. “Smell like indecision.”

“Handle them carefully,” the Sheriff said. “These are official records of… consideration.”

Clovis entered with a clipboard and a look of reverence.

“These documents are critical,” he said. “They contain the history of our inaction.”

“Do they say why nothing got done?” Kenny Joe asked.

Clovis flipped through a page.

“They say they discussed it.”

“That’s not the same,” Kenny Joe said.

“It is,” Clovis replied, “in certain frameworks.”

Just then, the door creaked open.

A goat wandered in.

No one questioned it.

“Whose goat is that?” the Sheriff asked.

Daisy barked once.

The goat walked straight to the boxes and began eating.

“Hey!” Kenny Joe shouted.

Clovis froze.

“Those are archived minutes!”

The goat chewed thoughtfully.

“Now they’re digested minutes,” Boot said from the doorway.

Sheriff Peeler sighed.

“Do we have a policy for this?”

Clovis checked his clipboard.

“Not yet,” he said.

Shelley, who had followed them in, scribbled rapidly.

“We’ll need to define ‘document loss due to livestock.’”

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Act VI – The Porch Reconsiders Reality

Back on the porch, the folders were fewer.

Daisy watched the road like it owed her an explanation.

Boot sat with Clovis again, who now looked slightly undone.

“The goat ate 1984,” Clovis said.

“That was a big year,” Boot said.

Clovis nodded. “Several committees. All under review.”

Boot leaned back.

“Did any of them do anything?”

Clovis hesitated.

“Not in a measurable way.”

Boot nodded slowly.

“So what’s this new committee doing?”

Clovis opened his mouth, then closed it.

“We’re… determining how to measure that.”

Boot looked at Daisy.

“She measures things pretty simply,” he said. “Either it works or it don’t.”

Clovis considered that.

“That’s… very binary.”

Boot smiled faintly.

“Most things are.”

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Act VII – Town Hall Refines the Scope

Back at Town Hall, the whiteboard was full.

Shelley pointed to a diagram that looked like a map of thought itself.

“We’ve identified three primary dimensions of inaction: procedural delay, definitional ambiguity, and distributed responsibility.”

RT leaned over to Sonny. “Sounds like my last relationship.”

Mabel tapped her clipboard.

“I’ve cross-referenced all committees against these dimensions.”

“And?” Tiffany asked.

“They all qualify,” Mabel said.

Pastor Peeler nodded. “We are learning.”

Boot raised his hand again.

“Could we just fix one thing? Like, pick something small?”

The room shifted.

“That would require implementation,” Shelley said.

“And?” Boot said.

“We’re not there yet.”

Clovis added, “We must first understand why implementation hasn’t occurred historically.”

Boot leaned back.

“You ever think maybe it’s because nobody just did it?”

Silence.

Shelley wrote something down.

“That’s a hypothesis,” she said.

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Act VIII – The Diner Hosts a Revelation

The diner was louder now.

Word had spread.

“They’re studying not doing things,” Maggie Sue said.

“Are they good at it?” someone asked.

“They’re excellent,” she replied.

Coach Stubblefield stood.

“In football, if you spend all your time watching game tape and never play, you don’t score.”

Chester Ray nodded. “But you got a real good understanding of why you didn’t.”

Lurleen sipped her tea.

“Understanding ain’t the same as doing.”

Evelyn added, “But it feels like it sometimes.”

Boot walked in again.

“They’re close,” he said.

“To what?” Maggie Sue asked.

“To defining why nothing happens.”

“And then?” she said.

Boot shrugged.

“Probably another meeting.”

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Act IX – The Final Meeting Before the Next One

Town Hall again.

The board was erased, then rewritten.

Shelley stood at the front.

“We have reached a preliminary conclusion,” she said.

The room leaned in.

“Previous committees did not act because they were engaged in defining the parameters of action.”

Clovis nodded vigorously.

Mabel checked her notes.

“That aligns with the historical record.”

Pastor Peeler smiled. “We have clarity.”

Boot raised his hand one last time.

“So… what do we do now?”

Shelley looked at him.

“We refine the model.”

Boot stared.

“And then?”

“We apply it.”

“To what?”

Shelley paused.

“That’s the next phase.”

Boot leaned back, defeated but not surprised.

Daisy sighed.

Outside, the goat returned, eyeing a fresh stack of papers.

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Epilogue – The Porch Remains

Boot sat on his porch again.

Clovis joined him, empty-handed this time.

“They formed another committee,” Clovis said.

Boot didn’t ask which one.

Daisy rested her head on the step.

“What’s this one about?” Boot said.

Clovis looked out at the road.

“Implementation Readiness.”

Boot nodded slowly.

“Sounds serious.”

“It is,” Clovis said. “They’re defining when they’ll be ready to act.”

Boot smiled faintly.

“Let me know when they figure it out.”

Clovis nodded.

“I will.”

They sat in silence.

The goat wandered past, uninterested.

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Disclaimer

No committees were harmed in the making of this story, though several were thoroughly examined, documented, categorized, and ultimately understood to the extent that understanding replaced any immediate need for action.

All characters are fictional, though their behaviors may feel familiar to anyone who has ever attended a meeting that produced minutes instead of results.

Any resemblance to real processes, real meetings, or real patterns of thoughtful delay is purely coincidental and likely under review by a separate committee tasked with determining whether coincidence itself requires formal definition.

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