When Elderberry Met Sacrament and Nobody Knew What to Do.
By Tom Seest
At Sequatchie Crossing, we tell the stories of Sequatchie Crossing.
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🎤 Audio Overview
It began, as most town scandals do, with a quiet moment of reverence.
Communion Sunday at First Unaffiliated Missionary Temple was meant to be simple, sacred, and starchily predictable. Pastor Arnold Peeler, clad in his embroidered robe and sanctified sneakers, stood before the congregation, prepared to lead his flock through the Lord’s Supper. But on this particular morning, as the tray of tiny plastic cups made its rounds, something was… off.
The liquid within the cups shimmered darker than usual. It tasted wilder. Sharper. More mysterious. It hinted at late-summer harvests, herbal undertones, and possibly, a hint of clove.
Boot Barnes whispered first: “That ain’t Welch’s. That’s witchcraft.”
And thus, Communion Sunday was shattered.
Act I: The Unholy Sip
Mabel Dean Ashcroft froze mid-sip, eyes narrowing like a pie judge who’d just found a raisin in her pecan. Evelyn Grace Tipton politely placed her untouched cup back on the tray with the same solemnity she used at funeral rehearsals. Trixie Jo, seated on the Youth Mayoral Pew (established via junior ordinance #19), dramatically whispered, “This is a violation of the Flavor Compact.”
Pastor Peeler, noticing the tension ripple across the pews like heat off a casserole, paused his sermon. “Folks,” he said, “We are gathered here today not to critique the juice, but to partake in the body and blood—”
“Blood of what?” Clovis Strickland stood. “I ran that flavor profile past my palate decoder. That’s elderberry. And I got suspicions it was unsanctioned.”
Shelley Wexler, from the back, raised her tincture-stained hand: “It was me.”
Gasps echoed.
Act II: The Accidental Alchemy
Shelley explained that she had provided the juice as a donation, believing the communion supplies were part of the “Seasonal Wellness Pantry” outside the church kitchen. Her homemade elderberry elixir had been cold-pressed under the last full moon, blessed with intention, and lightly infused with star anise and “ancestral affirmation.”
Pastor Peeler turned visibly pale. “You replaced Welch’s with moon potion.”
Boot Barnes began distributing photocopies of the 1987 Communion Beverage Guidelines, which he kept laminated in his wallet alongside his blood type and a vintage Bazooka Joe comic. Mabel Dean demanded an emergency bulletin reprint with a full sacrament retraction.
Chester Ray Blevins offered to produce a laminated correctional addendum.
“We could call it a sacred supplement,” Brett Crenshaw suggested.
“Or a spiritual smoothie,” Alyssa added, unhelpfully.
Coach Freddie stood up and shouted, “This is why we lost state in ’89. Lack of grit!”
Act III: The Council of the Cup
A town meeting was held that evening at Fellowship Hall under string lights and escalating tensions. The topic: “Sacrament Authenticity and Beverage Bylaws: A Community Reckoning.”
Lurleen Davenport arrived with a binder labeled “Liturgical Integrity.” Wade Langston demanded all church cups be fitted with fluid traceability stickers. Doughboy Teeter suggested blockchain.
Clovis, wearing a communion-proof hazmat suit of his own design, presented a PowerPoint titled Berries, Bibles, and the Coming Flavor Coup.
Shelley offered samples of her elderberry blend with handwritten disclaimers and a chakra quiz. Mabel Dean fainted just long enough to reset the debate clock.
Boot Barnes filibustered with scripture verses referencing grapes. Pastor Peeler re-baptized the microphone.
It all unraveled when Trixie Jo motioned for a full Youth Tribunal Inquiry, citing “spiritual flavor misrepresentation” and demanding an official tasting panel made up of seniors and Sunday Schoolers.
Act IV: Reconciliation and Muffins
The next morning, Maggie Sue Dillard hosted a Grace & Grits Breakfast Peace Talk at her diner. She served elderberry-laced muffins next to traditional grape jelly toast, declaring, “We make peace with flavor.”
Kenny Joe Teeter offered to mediate with a Yoo-hoo in one hand and a peace muffin in the other. Evelyn agreed to a poem. Shelley promised to label future donations. Chester laminated the muffin recipe.
By the next Sunday, the communion tray was refilled with verified Welch’s, poured under direct supervision of the Bulletin Committee.
But a few folks whispered they missed the elderberry.
Even Pastor Peeler admitted that, with enough hymn, it went down smooth.
At Sequatchie Crossing, we tell the stories of Sequatchie Crossing.
Real Places Behind the Ruckus – From The Dunlap Directory
Real Places Behind the Ruckus – From The Dunlap Directory
Yes, this story was fictional; even the parts that weren’t true. These places? Absolutely real. Stop by, support local, and keep the Wi-Fi away from livestock:
- FedEx OnSite At Walgreens
- Cain Development
- Buy, and Sale in Crossville, Pikeville, Dunlap, Cookeville TN
- West Towne Apartments
- Hampton Inn Chattanooga-North/Ooltewah
- Sequatchie County Cagle Mountain Recycling Center
- Tennessee Natural Stone
- Campbell’s Tree Service
- Cartwright First Baptist Church
- Harrison Bay State Park
- The Bee’s Knees
- Caring Hearts of Dunlap
- Renegade Foods
- Pinpoint Customs Collision
- Dunlap Community Lost & Found Animals
- Dunlap City Government
- Rhea Family Farms
- Cagle Mountain Trading Post
- Hairitage
- Sequatchie Cave State Natural Area
At Sequatchie Crossing, we tell the stories of Sequatchie Crossing.
Please share this post with your friends, family, or business associates who may want follow the news from Sequatchie Crossing.
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