The Number Changed Depending on Who Was Counting
By Tom Seest
At Sequatchie Crossing, we tell the stories of Sequatchie Crossing.
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🎤 Audio Overview
The Tree Counting Committee
Act I – The First Number
The argument began on the front porch of Maggie Sue Dillard’s diner three weeks before anybody actually measured a single tree.
The morning crowd sat in their usual arrangement. Eugene “Boot” Barnes occupied the rocking chair nearest the railing. Clovis Strickland sat beside him with three notebooks and a pair of binoculars despite there being nothing visible worth magnifying. Sheriff Peeler leaned against a porch post drinking coffee.
Daisy the hound slept beneath a table.
Across Main Street, a patch of woodland stretched behind an old pasture where a proposed development had recently been announced.
Nobody had paid much attention until somebody said the phrase “hundreds of trees.
That was when trouble started.
“Hundreds ain’t a number,” Boot said.
It is if you’re trying to scare people,” Sheriff Peeler replied.
Clovis adjusted his glasses.
“I heard it was eight hundred seventy-four.”
“Who counted ’em?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then it ain’t eight hundred seventy-four.”
Maggie Sue emerged carrying biscuits.
“Now they’re sayin’ twelve hundred.”
Boot sighed.
“See? The number’s already growin’.”
Act I – The First Number
At that moment Trixie Jo Bartlett came running down the sidewalk carrying papers.
“They’re forming a committee.”
Everyone groaned.
“Lord help us,” Maggie Sue said.
What committee?” asked Sheriff Peeler.
“The Tree Counting Committee.”
The porch fell silent.
Even Daisy lifted her head.
Boot stared into the distance.
You know things have gone sideways when a town creates a committee before creatin’ a number.
Act I – The First Number
Act II – Town Hall Mathematics
Two nights later Town Hall overflowed.
Mayor Bea Crowe sat at the center table.
Lurleen Davenport arranged zoning documents into perfectly square stacks.
Dr. Neil Cowgill carried maps.
Evelyn Grace Tipton prepared minutes.
Mabel Dean Ashcroft sat in the front row armed with three sharpened pencils and visible suspicion.
Shelley Fawn Wexler wore flowing green clothing and carried a notebook labeled Woodland Energy Frequencies.
Ricky Travis “RT” Mullins stood near a presentation board.
“The development would create jobs,” RT explained. “Additional tax revenue. Potential housing opportunities.”
“And remove trees,” Mabel replied immediately.
“Some trees.”
“How many?”
RT hesitated.
“Approximately three hundred.”
A voice from the rear shouted:
“I heard fifteen hundred!”
Another shouted:
“I heard seventy-two!”
Dr. Cowgill rubbed his forehead.
“This is why we’re here.”
He unrolled a map.
“Nobody has actually counted.”
A murmur spread through the crowd.
Mabel looked offended.
“You mean we’ve been arguing for two weeks without facts?”
Sheriff Peeler nodded.
“Appears so.”
“Well that’s irresponsible.”
Clovis stood.
“I agree.”
Everyone stared at him.
“You’re usually responsible for half the rumors.”
Act II – Town Hall Mathematics
“Only the interesting ones.”
Mayor Crowe raised her hands.
“The Tree Counting Committee will conduct an official count.”
Boot stood slowly.
“Who exactly is on this committee?”
Mayor Crowe consulted her list.
“Boot Barnes. Clovis Strickland. Mabel Ashcroft. Dr. Cowgill. Lurleen Davenport. Sheriff Peeler.”
Sheriff Peeler blinked.
“When was I volunteered?”
“Earlier today.”
“I don’t remember.”
“That’s because nobody asked.”
The room erupted in laughter.
The committee was officially formed.
That was when the squirrels began moving.
Act II – Town Hall Mathematics
Act III – The Squirrel Migration
The following morning, Daisy the hound noticed them first.
Dozens of squirrels crossed the courthouse lawn carrying acorns.
Some carried leaves.
One appeared to be dragging an entire corncob.
Boot stared from the courthouse steps.
“That seems excessive.”
Clovis opened a notebook.
“They know something.”
They know winter eventually arrives.”
“No.”
Clovis pointed dramatically.
“They’re evacuating.”
By noon, the squirrel traffic had doubled.
Act III – The Squirrel Migration
Officer Kenny Joe Teeter parked his patrol vehicle and watched.
“I’ve never seen this many.”
Mabel arrived carrying binoculars.
“The squirrels are relocating.”
“How can you tell?”
“They keep goin’ the same direction.”
That was difficult to argue with.
Shelley Fawn Wexler appeared moments later.
“The forest consciousness may be warning them.”
Sheriff Peeler looked tired already.
“Or maybe they’re squirrels.”
Shelley ignored him.
“Animals sense energetic disturbances.”
A squirrel dropped an acorn onto Clovis’s head.
Nobody interpreted that event the same way.
Clovis believed it was communication.
Shelley believed it was affirmation.
Sheriff Peeler believed gravity remained operational.
By evening, word had spread throughout town.
People stopped discussing development plans.
Now they discussed squirrel intentions.
The squirrels themselves remained unavailable for comment.
Act III – The Squirrel Migration
Act IV – The Official Count
Saturday morning arrived.
The Tree Counting Committee assembled at the woodland edge.
Boot carried measuring tape.
Mabel carried clipboards.
Dr. Cowgill carried survey maps.
Clovis carried entirely too much equipment.
Sheriff Peeler carried patience.
Which proved most valuable.
“Rule one,” Dr. Cowgill announced. “We count each tree once.”
“Good rule,” Boot said.
“It sounds obvious.”
“Then why’d you say it?”
“Because Clovis is here.”
Clovis looked hurt.
Act IV – The Official Count
The count began.
Oak.
Maple.
Hickory.
Pine.
Sycamore.
They moved steadily.
For nearly two hours everything proceeded normally.
Then they reached a cluster of trunks growing from one root system.
“One tree,” Boot said.
“Five trees,” Mabel argued.
“One organism.”
“Five trunks.”
Sheriff Peeler sighed.
“Oh no.”
Dr. Cowgill examined the roots.
“Botanically one.”
“Visually five.”
“Botany wins.”
Not in local politics.”
The debate lasted twenty-seven minutes.
Eventually Evelyn Grace Tipton recorded:
“One tree. Five appearances.”
Nobody was fully satisfied.
Which made it an excellent compromise.
By lunch they had counted 427.
By midafternoon they reached 612.
Then Clovis discovered a stump.
“Does that count?”
“No,” everyone replied.
“Just checking.”
At sunset they stopped at 734.
The final section remained unfinished.
The number immediately leaked.
By breakfast the next morning citizens were discussing 734 trees as though it were definitive.
It wasn’t.
The committee still had one day left.
Nobody cared.
Act IV – The Official Count
Act V – The Church Discussion
Sunday afternoon, Pastor Arnold Peeler hosted an open discussion at First Community Church.
The fellowship hall filled quickly.
Boot sat beside Mabel.
RT occupied another table.
Shelley sat near the windows.
Brett and Alyssa Crenshaw arrived carrying herbal teas.
Coach Freddie Stubblefield arrived carrying opinions.
Pastor Peeler stood.
“I’d like everybody to remember two things.”
The room quieted.
“Fear can exaggerate.”
He paused.
“And certainty can exaggerate.”
Several people shifted uncomfortably.
Coach Freddie spoke first.
Act V – The Church Discussion
“I support growth.”
Mabel crossed her arms.
“I support trees.”
Brett raised a hand.
“Could both exist?”
Nobody answered immediately.
That worried him.
Alyssa spoke.
“Everything has tradeoffs.”
RT nodded.
“Development creates opportunities.”
Shelley nodded.
“Nature creates opportunities too.”
“Those aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“Sometimes they are.”
Pastor Peeler smiled.
“See? That’s the problem.”
The room laughed.
Because it was true.
Nobody represented a perfect position.
Nobody represented a ridiculous position either.
Each person held a piece of the puzzle.
The difficulty involved fitting them together.
Outside, squirrels continued relocating.
Nobody knew whether they cared about zoning.
Act V – The Church Discussion
Act VI – Chester Ray Prints The Numbers
Monday morning Chester Ray Blevins made everything worse.
Not intentionally.
He simply loved printing.
By ten o’clock he had produced flyers.
Three versions.
One headline read:
SAVE THE 1,200 TREES
Another read:
PROTECT THE 734 TREES
The third read:
ONLY 300 TREES IMPACTED
People grabbed whichever flyer supported their existing beliefs.
By noon all three versions circulated simultaneously.
Maggie Sue watched from her diner window.
“That’s impressive.”
Tiffany Annette Roark nodded.
“We’ve got three realities now.”
Act VI – Chester Ray Prints The Numbers
“Think we’ll stop at three?”
“Absolutely not.”
Within hours social media discussions exploded.
One group cited 1,200.
Another cited 734.
Another cited 300.
Nobody referenced the unfinished count.
Dr. Cowgill entered the diner looking exhausted.
“We haven’t even finished.”
“People got tired of waiting.”
“Facts shouldn’t expire.”
Maggie Sue refilled his coffee.
“Yet somehow they always do.”
Across the room, Doug “Doughboy” Teeter stared at aerial drone footage.
“I got images.”
Everyone gathered around.
The drone had captured something unexpected.
The squirrels had relocated into the neighboring woodland.
Almost all of them.
Boot arrived and studied the footage.
“Looks like they moved before we reached a decision.”
“Smart creatures.”
“They didn’t wait for a committee.”
“Nothing waits for a committee.”
“Committees barely wait for committees.”
Act VI – Chester Ray Prints The Numbers
Act VII – The Mule Incident
The final count was scheduled Tuesday.
Unfortunately the mule interfered.
Nobody remembered exactly who owned the mule anymore.
The mule belonged to the community in the same way weather belonged to the community.
It simply existed.
When the committee returned, the mule stood directly across the access road.
Motionless.
Boot approached carefully.
“Morning.”
The mule remained still.
“We need through.”
Nothing.
Sheriff Peeler sighed.
“He knows.”
“Knows what?”
“That we’re busy.”
For forty minutes the mule refused movement.
Act VII – The Mule Incident
Meanwhile Clovis documented events.
“This demonstrates resistance.”
“It demonstrates a mule,” said Mabel.
Eventually Daisy the hound wandered over.
The mule immediately stepped aside.
Everyone stared.
Daisy continued walking.
The mule followed her.
“Well,” Boot said, “that’s humbling.”
The committee resumed work.
By late afternoon they completed the count.
Dr. Cowgill reviewed the totals.
Silence fell.
Mabel adjusted her glasses.
“Well?”
“Eight hundred and eleven.”
Everyone blinked.
“That’s not any number we’ve been arguing about.”
“Correct.”
“Wonderful.”
Sheriff Peeler laughed.
Weeks of conflict.
And everybody had been wrong.
Act VII – The Mule Incident
Act VIII – The Great Presentation
Town Hall filled beyond capacity.
People stood along walls.
Others crowded windows.
Mayor Crowe called the meeting to order.
Dr. Cowgill stepped forward.
“The final count is eight hundred eleven trees.”
Murmurs spread instantly.
Clovis displayed charts.
Mabel displayed notes.
Lurleen displayed development boundaries.
Together they presented findings.
Of the 811 trees:
Some would remain.
Some would be removed.
Additional planting was proposed.
Act VIII – The Great Presentation
Buffer zones existed.
Drainage plans existed.
Wildlife considerations existed.
The presentation lasted nearly ninety minutes.
When it ended, silence lingered.
Finally RT stood.
“So what’s the decision?”
Mayor Crowe looked around.
Nobody appeared completely happy.
Nobody appeared completely furious.
Which was unusual.
Shelley spoke first.
“I still wish fewer trees were removed.”
RT nodded.
“I understand.”
Coach Freddie stood.
“I still think growth matters.”
Mabel nodded reluctantly.
“I understand that too.”
Boot smiled.
“Look at that.”
“What?”
“We accidentally learned something.”
The room laughed.
Then Clovis raised a finger.
“I have one concern.”
Everyone groaned.
“The squirrels.”
Act VIII – The Great Presentation
Act IX – The Number That Kept Changing
Three days later the controversy should have ended.
Instead a reporter from a neighboring county arrived.
“What happened with the tree count?”
Boot answered carefully.
“We counted 811.”
The reporter wrote something.
The next day the article appeared.
It referenced “approximately 800 trees.”
By lunch, residents quoted 800.
By supper, some quoted 900.
By Friday, a visitor mentioned hearing about 1,000.
Mabel nearly fainted.
“They’re changing again.”
“They always were going to,” Boot said.
The two sat on the diner porch.
Daisy slept nearby.
Across town, construction markers appeared.
Act IX – The Number That Kept Changing
Across town, woodland remained.
Across town, squirrels occupied their new territory.
Clovis joined them carrying fresh notes.
“I’ve reached a conclusion.”
“Should we worry?”
“Probably.”
“What is it?”
“The actual number never mattered.”
Mabel stared.
“Of course it mattered.”
“No. The counting mattered.”
Boot nodded slowly.
“Explain.”
“People wanted certainty.”
Clovis looked toward the trees.
The count gave them something real to discuss instead of rumors.
For once nobody argued.
Because he happened to be correct.
Not that anyone intended to tell him.
Act IX – The Number That Kept Changing
Epilogue – The Squirrels Vote With Their Feet
Several weeks later the development moved forward.
Several weeks later portions of woodland remained.
Several weeks later newly planted saplings appeared.
Several weeks later citizens still occasionally argued about trees.
Some believed too many had been removed.
Others believed progress had been delayed unnecessarily.
Most believed the issue had been more complicated than they first assumed.
One evening Boot, Mabel, Sheriff Peeler, Pastor Arnold Peeler, Clovis, Maggie Sue, RT, Shelley, Tiffany Annette Roark, Evelyn Grace Tipton, Lurleen Davenport, Dr. Cowgill, Coach Freddie Stubblefield, Brett and Alyssa Crenshaw, Chester Ray Blevins, Officer Kenny Joe Teeter, Sonny Morales, Mister Wade Langston, and Daisy gathered on the diner porch.
The sunset painted the remaining woodland gold.
A squirrel darted across the road carrying an acorn.
Then another.
Then another.
They seem fine,” Sheriff Peeler observed.
Clovis watched thoughtfully.
“They relocated before humans finished arguing.”
Mabel laughed.
“That’s probably the smartest thing anybody’s done this month.”
The group sat quietly.
The trees stood where they stood.
The new construction stood where it stood.
The squirrels adapted.
The humans continued discussing adaptation.
As was tradition.
In Sequatchie Crossing, nature changed.
People changed.
Numbers changed.
But committees endured forever.
Especially when nobody could agree what needed counting.
Epilogue – The Tree Counting Committee
Disclaimer
The Sequatchie Crossing Dispatch is a work of fiction. All characters, businesses, organizations, events, conversations, committees, squirrels, mules, and municipal debates depicted in this story are fictional and created for entertainment and satire. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, real businesses, public officials, or actual events is purely coincidental.
No squirrels were interviewed during the preparation of this report, though several appeared to have strong opinions regarding local land-use policy. The Tree Counting Committee exists only within the fictional world of Sequatchie Crossing, where bureaucracy is folklore, rumors travel faster than facts, and animals occasionally demonstrate more practical decision-making than the humans observing them.
Disclaimer – The Tree Counting Committee
Real Places Behind the Ruckus – From The Dunlap Directory
Real Places Behind the Ruckus – From The Dunlap Directory
Yes, this story was fictional; even the parts that weren’t true. These places? Absolutely real. Stop by, support local, and keep the Wi-Fi away from livestock:
- Newson Stone & Masonry
- Dunlap Iron & Metals
- New China Buffet
- Citizens Tri-County Bank – Industrial Park Motor Branch
- Pickett Heating & AIr Conditioning
- Highway 28 Church of God
- The Old Tar Woodworker
- MaxFit Dunlap
- W N Lofty Grading & Paving Co
- Word of Life Assembly of God
- RJ’s Garage
- Mountain View Barns of Dunlap
- First Farmers And Commercial Bank
- BTC Fiber
- Fall Creek Falls Stables Campground
- Black Bear Electrical
- Encanto Foods
- The Southern Pantry
- The Frozen Frenzy
- Wheeler’s Orchard & Vineyard
Real Places Behind the Ruckus – From The Dunlap Directory
At Sequatchie Crossing, we tell the stories of Sequatchie Crossing.
Please share this post with your friends, family, or business associates who may want follow the news from Sequatchie Crossing.
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