A Fence, a Goat, and a Measuring Tape Lead to an International Incident (According to Clovis)
By Tom Seest
At Sequatchie Crossing, we tell the stories of Sequatchie Crossing.
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🎤 Audio Overview
The Great Backyard Border Crisis Of Sequatchie Crossing
Act I – The Line That Wasn’t There Until It Was
In Sequatchie Crossing, most problems didn’t start as problems.
They started as projects.
And this one began with Brett Crenshaw standing in his backyard on a Tuesday morning, holding a post-hole digger like a man who had finally decided to take control of at least one square portion of his life.
“Looks straight to me,” he said.
Alyssa Crenshaw squinted down the line of stakes.
“That’s because you’re standing at an angle,” she replied.
He shifted slightly.
“Still looks straight.”
“That’s not how straight works, Brett.”
But the stakes were already in. The string was already pulled tight. And in Sequatchie Crossing, once a string was tight, it tended to stay that way—regardless of accuracy.
The fence, by all appearances, was going to be fine.
Two feet to the left of fine, as it turned out.
But that part hadn’t revealed itself yet.
ACT I – The Line That Wasn’t There Until It Was
Act II – The Goat That Claimed the Middle
The first one to notice the error was not Brett.
Nor Alyssa.
Nor even their neighbor, Doug “Doughboy” Teeter, whose property line had quietly shifted under his feet without so much as a vote or a warning.
No.
The first to recognize the situation was a goat.
A goat belonging, loosely speaking, to Ricky Travis “RT” Mullins—though ownership of that goat had always been more philosophical than legal.
The goat—named “Senator,” though no one remembered why—wandered up to the newly constructed fence, paused, and stepped directly into the narrow strip between Brett’s fence and where the actual property line should have been.
It stood there.
Looked around.
And did what goats do best.
It stayed.
By mid-afternoon, Senator had eaten half the grass in the disputed strip and appeared to have developed a sense of jurisdiction.
By evening, he was refusing to leave.
ACT II – The Goat That Claimed the Middle
Act III – Discovery of the Error
Doug Teeter discovered the problem the next morning while attempting to mow what he believed was still his yard.
He approached the fence.
Stopped.
Looked.
Then stepped back.
“Brett,” he called out.
Brett emerged, wiping his hands on a towel like a man who had already completed something important and did not intend to revisit it.
“What’s up?”
Doug pointed.
“That fence is in my yard.”
Brett blinked.
“No, it ain’t.”
Doug walked forward and tapped the post.
“This right here is two feet into my yard.”
Brett frowned.
“That don’t sound right.”
Doug gestured broadly.
“Well, it ain’t sounding—it’s measuring.”
At this point, neither man had a measuring tape.
Which, in Sequatchie Crossing, meant the disagreement was officially underway.
ACT III- Discovery of the Error
Act IV – Enter Clovis and the Language of Escalation
Within thirty minutes, Clovis Strickland arrived.
No one had called him.
Clovis simply appeared whenever there was the potential for confusion, authority, or both.
He surveyed the fence.
Walked the line.
Stood in the strip.
Then nodded gravely.
“Well,” he said, “we’ve got ourselves a situation.”
Doug folded his arms.
“It’s two feet over.”
Clovis shook his head slowly.
“It’s not about the feet.”
Brett sighed.
“Then what’s it about?”
Clovis pointed at the strip.
“This… is now a buffer zone.”
Doug blinked.
“A what?”
“A buffer zone,” Clovis repeated. “Neutral territory. Neither side fully controls it. Highly unstable.”
Brett stared at him.
“It’s grass.”
Clovis leaned in.
“It’s contested grass.”
That was the moment things shifted.
ACT IV- Enter Clovis and the Language of Escalation
Act V – The Goat Establishes Sovereignty
By the time Clovis had finished explaining the concept of a “buffer zone,” Senator the goat had already taken matters further.
He had laid down.
Right in the middle.
Not on Brett’s side.
Not on Doug’s side.
Squarely in the disputed strip.
Clovis pointed.
“See that?”
Doug squinted.
“That’s my goat.”
Clovis shook his head.
“No. That’s a governing body.”
From that moment on, Senator was no longer just a goat.
He was an independent entity.
ACT V- The Goat Establishes Sovereignty
Act VI – Boot Barnes Monetizes the Situation
Eugene “Boot” Barnes arrived shortly thereafter, having heard there was “something worth standing near.”
He assessed the situation in under ten seconds.
“People gonna need to cross this, right?” he asked.
Doug frowned.
“Cross what?”
Boot gestured to the strip.
“That.”
Brett shook his head.
“Ain’t nobody crossing that.”
Boot nodded slowly.
“They will.”
Within an hour, Boot had set up a folding chair and a small handwritten sign:
CROSSING FEE – $1
“Two dollars if you hesitate,” he clarified.
No one questioned it.
ACT VI – Boot Barnes Monetizes the Situation
Act VII – The Line Gets Painted (And Repainted)
By mid-afternoon, someone—later identified as Chester Ray “Print Shop” Blevins—arrived with a can of spray paint.
“If we’re gonna argue about it,” he said, “we oughta mark it.”
He painted a line.
Doug objected.
“That ain’t where the line is.”
Chester nodded.
“That’s why I used yellow. It’s temporary.”
Clovis stepped in.
“We need redundancy.”
A second line was painted.
Two feet away from the first.
Brett looked between them.
“Which one’s real?”
Clovis folded his arms.
“That depends on perspective.”
ACT VII- The Line Gets Painted (And Repainted)
Act VIII – Children Ask the Wrong Questions
By evening, a group of children had gathered.
Children, as it turns out, are highly efficient at dismantling adult logic.
One stepped forward.
“Who owns the ground?”
Doug pointed.
“I do.”
Brett shook his head.
“No, I do.”
The child looked at the goat.
“Who owns it right now?”
Everyone paused.
The goat chewed.
Another child asked, “What happens if you stand on the line?”
Boot answered immediately.
“That’ll be a dollar.”
A third child asked, “Why don’t you just share it?”
Clovis inhaled deeply.
“Because sharing undermines the principle of ownership.”
The child nodded slowly.
“Then what’s the point of owning it if nobody can use it?”
No one answered.
ACT VIII- Children Ask the Wrong Questions
Act IX – The Measuring Tape Arrives Too Late
Dr. Neil Cowgill eventually arrived with a measuring tape.
Not because he had been asked.
But because he believed in clarity.
He stretched the tape.
Measured precisely.
Then announced:
“The fence is exactly two feet into Doug’s property.”
Silence fell.
Finally, Brett nodded.
“Well.”
Doug nodded.
“Well.”
Clovis stepped forward.
“Measurements are only one interpretation of reality.”
Dr. Cowgill blinked.
“No, they’re not.”
Clovis gestured toward the painted lines, the goat, and Boot’s chair.
“Reality has already moved on.”
ACT IX – The Measuring Tape Arrives Too Late
Act X – The Principle of the Thing
At some point—no one quite knew when—the argument stopped being about two feet.
It became about something else.
Doug crossed his arms.
“It’s the principle.”
Brett nodded.
“Exactly.”
Neither man could fully explain the principle.
But they both agreed it existed.
And that it was under threat.
ACT X – The Principle of the Thing
Act XI – Escalation Without Direction
By nightfall:
- Three lines had been painted
- Two different measurements had been cited
- One goat had established residency
- Boot had collected $14
- And no one had moved the fence
Clovis stood in the center.
“We are at a crossroads,” he announced.
“We’re standing in a yard,” Alyssa corrected.
Clovis ignored her.
“If we don’t define this border, it will define us.”
Mabel Dean Ashcroft, watching from a lawn chair, muttered:
“It already has.”
ACT XI – Escalation Without Direction
Act XII – The Goat Ignores Everything
Throughout all of this, Senator continued eating.
Ignored every argument.
And laid down wherever the grass looked best.
At one point, he stood directly on the painted lines.
No one knew how to interpret that.
Clovis called it “symbolic.”
Doug called it “annoying.”
The children called it “correct.”
ACT XII – The Goat Ignores Everything
Act XIII – The Children Cross Every Line
The next morning, the children returned.
They stepped over the lines.
Back and forth.
Deliberately.
Repeatedly.
Boot tried to charge them.
They ignored him.
One child stood with one foot on each side.
“Am I in both yards?” she asked.
Clovis hesitated.
“Yes,” he said finally.
Doug shook his head.
“No.”
Brett shrugged.
“Maybe.”
The child smiled.
“Then it doesn’t matter.”
ACT XIII – The Children Cross Every Line
Act XIV – Nobody Remembers the Original Line
By the third day, something remarkable happened.
No one could remember exactly where the original property line had been.
Not precisely.
Not confidently.
The measurements existed.
But the certainty did not.
The painted lines blurred.
The arguments overlapped.
And the goat continued to operate independently.
ACT XIV – Nobody Remembers the Original Line
Act XV – Resolution Without Agreement
Eventually, Alyssa stepped forward.
“This is ridiculous,” she said.
She looked at Brett.
“Move the fence.”
Brett hesitated.
Doug hesitated.
Clovis began to object.
But then something shifted.
Doug exhaled.
“Fine,” he said.
Brett nodded.
“Fine.”
The fence was moved.
The strip disappeared.
The lines faded.
Boot packed up his chair.
The goat wandered off.
ACT XV – Resolution Without Agreement
Epilogue – What Remains
A week later, the yard looked normal again.
No lines.
No buffer zone.
No fees.
Just grass.
But something had changed.
The children still stepped over invisible lines.
The adults still referenced “the principle.”
And every now and then, someone would glance at the space where the strip had been—and pause.
As if remembering something that didn’t quite make sense anymore.
EPILOGUE – The Great Backyard Border Crisis Of Sequatchie Crossing
Disclaimer
No goats were formally recognized as governing authorities during the events described in this story, though several displayed leadership qualities.
No official borders were established, recognized, or enforced, despite multiple attempts.
And while the fence has been corrected, the understanding of why it mattered remains… under review.
DISCLAIMER – The Great Backyard Border Crisis Of Sequatchie Crossing
Real Places Behind the Ruckus – From The Dunlap Directory
Real Places Behind the Ruckus – From The Dunlap Directory
Yes, this story was fictional; even the parts that weren’t true. These places? Absolutely real. Stop by, support local, and keep the Wi-Fi away from livestock:
- Sunny Valley Thrift
- Sequatchie County Public Library
- Newson Stone & Masonry
- Animal Sitting by Chloe Holloway
- Coops Creek Greenway – Trailhead
- Spee-D Tires
- Bigfoot Adventure and Baggenstoss Farm
- Sequatchie Valley Homestead
- Hickerson Land Management
- Trail Life Troop TN 1613
- Tri-Star Seamless Gutters
- West Towne Apartments
- North End Collision Center
- Mountain Valley Bank
- Stone Creek Farm
Real Places Behind the Ruckus – From The Dunlap Directory
At Sequatchie Crossing, we tell the stories of Sequatchie Crossing.
Please share this post with your friends, family, or business associates who may want follow the news from Sequatchie Crossing.
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